Rambling the first

Song
"Keep it loose, keep it tight" Amos Lee

So once upon a time there was a girl named A. Clingo...
Welcome to my ramblings. I was one of those weird kids in school that didn't do journals too well, but I did write a few hundred to a thousand pages of what I saw and thought. It seemed to keep me sane when the entire masses seemed to have snapped. But then again, if you think everyone else is insane and you're not...there's a problem. If you think everyone else is insane as are you ...welcome to earth.

So I've been considering different things of late, particularly the ideas that surround judgment, compassion, and free will (yeah laugh it up. I'm getting philosophical here). With my background and experiences, I tend to be very realistic and sarcastic, but I also can't help seeing the sufferings in this world and wish I could help those who experience such monstrosities.

What brought this on was myself considering my older memories. At one time, I was speaking to an old friend about the plight of humanity and how I wanted to do all I could in my lifetime to help change the world and such, to which he abruptly informed how I was wasting my time. He told me there was no point to it, for no matter who I helped there would always be others--so why even try? Thinking about this, I realized that I didn't care about changing the world. All you get out of that is being recognized in history books when your dead, and as exciting as that sounds...

But at the same time, I did begin to consider what exactly were my motives? Was it recognition on the world stage? That sounded perfectly ridiculous to me. No. In fact, when another friend was traveling to Mexico and different reservations to help build schools and help in orphanages, she told me in strange tones about how she wanted to improve the conditions of the orphans and give them opportunities to succeed in life and the whole shabang. But when I asked what the individual orphan's names were or what they were like, she could barely answer, nor could she tell me about anyone in her own neighborhood that possibly needed assistance. I realized that I had suffered from a similar disease of thought. I wanted to "change the world" with no thought as to helping inspire and lift the individuals who survived in that world, and those in my direct path. I came to the conclusion that there are two forms of compassion, both useful but the second more worth carrying.

The first involves the overall structure of politics, of war and peace, of economics, and education. People are simply check-off points on a list of a philanthropist's desire to change the conditions of each pencil marking on that paper. This compassion is necessary. Without it, we wouldn't have the service projects that help the starving children and adults all over the world. Without it, schools wouldn't be built. Without it, the world's countries couldn't have survived after the World Wars. Most compassion is built upon this foundation, a desire of importance to influence and feel that lives have been changed because of the philanthropists existence--and most likely those lives wouldn't be the same without it.

The second, on the other hand, is useful, not always necessary, but also the most important. It's the compassion that comes in the sincerest forms of tolerance, the ability to laugh at one's own imperfections and others, love for each individual, a desire to befriend those in the dark and not be afraid, the true compassion that comes from using the most horrible experiences in life to help change the life of another individual, the love of simply talking and sympathizing with those who struggle around us in our own areas of residence, and the ability to laugh and forgive all the offenses that come to us. The first form of compassion makes us send out money to the suffering, but rarely enter those dark places where the suffering exist. The second form makes us go to those dark places without fear and worry more about the people than the action.

In my observations of the people around me, yes I do enjoy poking and laughing at the strange behavior that surrounds me. But at the same time, there is no reason to subjugate those people into a single arena of hateful thought. People need to recognize the behavior that surrounds them and laugh, have opinions of those actions, but the actual people should never become a fair game of hate.

This is where judgment comes in. From time to time, I've been told that I'm far too judgmental, which I sometimes agree with, I can always improve of course. But at the same time, it is those who don't use their judgment properly who are in more serious danger. People behave differently in different situations, simple enough. And very few people are filled with the sole desire to offend and destroy those who they come in contact with, instead they usually wish to be accepted. The idea is this second form of compassion is necessary to separate people from actions--Love for the people but not the action. We need to observe the actions of others in order to improve ourselves and decide what we want to be. No one on their own accord can gain an impeccable character. If that were the case, we'd all have our own world all to ourselves. But we are meant to observe and decide what we want to be, for we can't experience everything. I personally have no desire to do drugs because of its influence on my friend's lives. I didn't have to experience it myself nor do I have any ill-will against my friends, but because of their actions on those drugs, I have a great amount of ill-will against drugs and alcohol, among other things.

This judgment forms our character. I, myself, am thoroughly disgusted by certain behavior. But I do not hate those who decide to subsist on this behavior. Yes, I do not agree with it, but I do not hate those who make those decisions. People ought to have their own free-will to choose when it doesn't affect the legal laws they live under or the individual lives of those around them. No one should be forced into doing what they don't want to. End.